Summer Brutality 2017: Castlevania Adventure ReBirth Completed

Hey hey, folks! Lumpz the Clown here, and on August 7th, 2017, I finally beat Castlevania Adventure ReBirth on Normal Classic mode! Don’t let the “Normal” fool you; this has been one of the most difficult games that I’ve ever played, and I’m that weird guy who plays Silver Surfer for fun! Continue reading

Summer Brutality 2017 Fail

I’m not too proud of it, but on July 23rd, 2017, I reneged on my promise regarding Summer Brutality 2017: I gave up. After completing 3/4 of Stage 4 of Castlevania Adventure ReBirth, I couldn’t go on any longer. The culprit? Good, old-fashioned hubris.

I’ve played many games before whose only differences between difficulty levels was a few more enemies sprinkled here and there. Huh-uh. Not the case with Castlevania Adventure ReBirthContinue reading

AAA Companies: Be Afraid, Very Afraid

(Originally published on GameSkinny approx. 2 years ago. I’m taking my shit back. Enjoy!)

Indies are taking over the industry! Why? AAA developers are burnt out, investors are assholes, and gamers are getting sick of it!

But why is that exactly, you may ask? Easy! A large number of gamers are getting tired of the same, old iterations over and over again, year after year. Even if some of them don’t vocalize their concerns, a general call for the return of innovation has begun. Continue reading

Summer Brutality 2017 Announcement

Hey hey, folks! Lumpz the Clown here, and I’m pleased to announce…SUMMER BRUTALITY 2017! In previous events, I would give myself 2 hours to claim victory over some of the hardest titles in video game history, and mostly fail at it. I’ve taken on the likes of Volgarr the Viking, Mega Man, and Castlevania Adventure…all of which have ended in utter failure.

But that last one has stuck with me somehow. And one more, I’m a little sick and tired of my own continually growing backlog of games that I may never get around to beating. That is why, for Summer Brutality 2017, I’m pleased to announce the end of this practice, while showing my love for Castlevania, by taking on three, count ’em, THREE Castlevania titles. Continue reading

Christopher Belmont Sucks

(Click here to read all about his misdeeds on Gaming Rebellion)

Alright. I’ve had a few days to calm down and listen to some of the discourse of my fellow Castlevania fans over on Facebook, but my opinion still stands: Christopher Belmont is the absolute worst! Continue reading

How Final Fantasy Mystic Quest Predicted the Future

(Originally appeared on Vidme. Follow me for more content like this!)

Autosaves, long-grinding sessions, mind-numbing statistics, OH MY! Guess who decided to hell with that in the name of children, whilst also keeping the average overworked adult gamer in mind years later? SQUARE DID!

This video delves into my logic as to how the widely panned Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest predicted the future for us all! Kick back and relax, hit Play, and Lumpz the Clown OUT!

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SOS: An Engaging, Cinematic Disaster Experience on your SNES

(Editor’s note: An affiliate Amazon link is included below. Get an amazing piece of innovative SNES history and help support your favorite clown!)

When I first picked up SOS, I was already a big fan of 1972’s The Poseidon Adventure, starring Gene Hackman and the late, great Ernest Borgnine. I knew going in that no other SNES game I had played thus far would be anything like it, but nothing prepared me for the emotional visual and auditory onslaught that awaited me once I hit Power. Continue reading