Christopher Belmont Sucks

(Click here to read all about his misdeeds on Gaming Rebellion)

Alright. I’ve had a few days to calm down and listen to some of the discourse of my fellow Castlevania fans over on Facebook, but my opinion still stands: Christopher Belmont is the absolute worst! Continue reading

Unpopular Gaming Opinions

(Click here to read the whole article on Gaming Rebellion.)

About 2 months ago, my feeds were swept up in the awesomeness known as #UnpopularGamingOpinions. Seeing a lot of my closest Twitter buds getting in on the action, I decided Continue reading

Clowny News 1/26/17

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Hello, 2017!

Hey hey, folks! Lumpz the Clown here, and I’m SO glad that 2016 is over! Despite the absolute personal shitshow that represented that 365 day block, I emerged out the other side none the worse for wear, and if you’re reading this, I assume you did, too!

I’ve said over and over again on Twitter that 2017 is the Year of the Clown, and I aim to not disappoint. So what’s in store here at Lumpz the Clown Entertainment? Let’s start with…

Vidme Migration

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Clowny News 2/15/16

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Happy 2016!

Greetings, folks, and Happy 2016! Lumpz the Clown here, and if you’re thinking that it’s been about a month and a half since my last entry, you’d be correct! “But, Lumpz? You said you wouldn’t neglect Clowny News anymore?” Yeah, yeah…in order for me to report news, I need to have news to report. Yeah, it’s a vicious cycle! ūüėČ

Anyways, I’ve been thinking about my¬†content plan for 2016, and¬† Continue reading

The Curse of Issyos Sneak Preview

I’ve been a fan of Locomalito’s work since I was first introduced to it almost 2 ¬†years ago! The man works independently with a very small team and offers his games for¬†FREE, though he does accept donations via PayPal.

The Curse of Issyos is slated for public release on December 15th, 2015, but those who’d like to play the game earlier can make a donation and treat themselves to a side-scrolling action-adventure set in Ancient Greece! An epic tale of a father doing what he has to do in order to save his daughter from a horrific fate!

Thanks for watching, and Lumpz the Clown OUT!

 

Clowny Links Below!

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Steam Giveaway 2015

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Calling All Poets!

Heya, folks! Lumpz the Clown here with another exciting announcement! About a year ago, I started hearing the buzz about a little game called…Insanity’s Blade!¬†Developed and published by Causal¬†Bit Games,¬†Insanity’s Blade¬†pits the hero, Thurstan, against the very spawn of Hell in a 2D adventure chock full of action, RPG and platforming elements!

Intense violence meets intense action as Thurstan desperately fights to avenge the deaths of his family and whole fucking village! Seriously, this man has nothing to lose and will only find satisfaction once the parties responsible for this vile deed are PUT DOWN!

Here’s the official trailer to get dat ass HYPED!

I have one, count ’em,¬†ONE Steam key to give away to¬†ONE¬†lucky gamer! So how does said gamer get their grubby little paws on this piece of retro-inspired awesomeness?!

How to Win

Simple. Write me a piece of awesome gaming poetry. I was gonna go with another haiku callout, but I’m not here to restrict the amazing artistic talents of our own gaming community! Technically, I want to leave this as open as possible, but I do have a couple rules, namely:

  1. It must make sense to everyone, even those who have never even played the game being discussed.
  2. The poem must follow typical poem structure.
  3. It should be funny, amusing, interesting, etc.
  4. ALL ENTRIES ARE DUE BY NOVEMBER 18th, 2015!

I hope you marked that shit on your calender, as it will not be getting bumped, changed, jaunted, spooned….NONE OF THAT SHIT!

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Never been a fan of that shit anyway.

I’m not putting a cap on the number of entries being accepted, but that only puts the pressure on¬†YOU, the writer, to give me the best shit you can possibly muster!¬†ALL¬†entries will be read in the next¬†Poetry Corner entry (here’s my previous¬†one for those who may not be familiar with the series), with the winner¬†receiving a discreet email from me containing the one, the only,¬†Insanity’s Blade!

Of course, I’ll also be happy to include any links to your work in the video description. You have a website, a blog, social media? Let me know and I’ll link your ass up!

How to Participate

As my last attempt was a little mish-mash, I will ONLY be accepting entries delivered via email.

SEND ALL ENTRIES to lumpztheclown[at]gmail.com. NO EXCEPTIONS! All other entries will be rejected outright!

Again, I’m accepting an unlimited number of entries until¬†11:59PM, NOVEMBER 18th, 2015!¬†Give me your best and let’s leave these motherfuckers eyes and ears bleeding with video game awesomeness! And hey, maybe a fresh, new copy of¬†Insanity’s Blade JUST FOR YOU!

I wish you all the best of luck, and Lumpz the Clown OUT!

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Summer Brutality 2015: Games List

Summer Brutality 2015 may be over, but it’s definitely not forgotten! Thank you all for making this event one to remember!

Heya, folks! Lumpz the Clown here, and I’m here to announce an exciting, new streaming event starting¬†this Saturday (6/13) at 6PM EST:¬†SUMMER BRUTALITY 2015! This will be your opportunity to watch your favorite clowny gamer get his ass spanked by some of the hardest games in history!

Livestreams will commence every Saturday on my Twitch channel, with game/time announcements on my Twitter & Facebook profiles every Wednesday! Be sure to peep in on those profiles, as start/end times AND games are subject to change!

So what will I be playing? In no particular order, here’s the list: Continue reading