Atari Flashback 2: Complete Review and Breakdown

(Editor’s note: This article contains affiliate links. Get cool Atari shit and support your favorite clown!)

For years innumerable, my favorite hobby has been trolling Craigslist in search of awesome retrogaming gear on the cheap! After weeks of searching with nothing impressing me much, I found an ad for an Atari Flashback 2 at a mere $20, complete in box!

(If meeting potentially dangerous strangers in dark, unfamiliar places is not your bag, you can always pick up the Atari Flashback 2 from Amazon!) Continue reading

Twitter-PAINTED: First Look – Uncanny Valley

(Disclaimer: None of my Twitter-PAINTED entries are endorsed and/or sponsored, and all copies were purchased after some serious vetting. Support awesome indies!)

Recently, I had picked up the totally amazing GameMaker Humble Rebundle, opting to drop the $15 necessary to secure not only a GameMaker Studio Professional license and at least four additional components, but also a smattering of amazing indie games. Sure, GameMaker-borne titles INK and Home were amazing in their own right, but another in particular caught my eye right away: Uncanny Valley!

What is Uncanny Valley?

Not for the squeamish.

Continue reading

Declaration of War: DLC Must Die

(This article originally ran on ScrewAttack approximately 2 years ago, and somehow, is still way relevant. Enjoy!)

Alright, folks! With a title like that, you must already have some sort of clue that I’ve become fed up with with the seemingly customer-hating, money-grubbing business model known as downloadable content.

For those who aren’t aware of what downloadable content even is, it’s the little “extras” that are meant to enhance the gamer’s experience.  But have greedy developers and publishers gone too far? Have we lost sight of what organically makes a game profitable? Let’s find out! Continue reading

Played Violent Video Games, Still Not a Serial Killer

(Originally published on ScrewAttack approximately two years ago. Enjoy!)

Ahh, the mid-to-late 90’s.  This was a great era to be a gamer, as the console wars were in full effect and developers continued to push the limits of accepted convention.  This meant beefier graphics, soul-shredding soundtracks, and….blood, lots of BLOOD!  Arcade titles have already been experimenting with these new risque formulas earlier in the decade, with titles such as Mortal Kombat and Time Killers.  So by consequence, it was only a question of time before home consoles would become the new host of pixelated brutality! Continue reading

Social Friends Wrestling Federation #3: The Road to the Title


After the major turnarounds and janky shenanigans as seen in SFWF #2, only one conclusion could be drawn: the road to the championships is going to be a bloody, broken one.

Tonight’s eye-popping matchups include: Continue reading

New Infographic: Castlevania – The Fight Against Count Dracula

From the good folks at JeuxVideo, I present to you, a totally amazing Castlevania infographic! Click the image to view it at full size with a description by Yours Truly! Send me an email if you think you have one that you’d like featured on this site. Thanks for stopping by, and Lumpz the Clown OUT!

Castlevania: The Fight Against Count Dracula Continue reading

Summer Brutality 2017 Announcement

Hey hey, folks! Lumpz the Clown here, and I’m pleased to announce…SUMMER BRUTALITY 2017! In previous events, I would give myself 2 hours to claim victory over some of the hardest titles in video game history, and mostly fail at it. I’ve taken on the likes of Volgarr the Viking, Mega Man, and Castlevania Adventure…all of which have ended in utter failure.

But that last one has stuck with me somehow. And one more, I’m a little sick and tired of my own continually growing backlog of games that I may never get around to beating. That is why, for Summer Brutality 2017, I’m pleased to announce the end of this practice, while showing my love for Castlevania, by taking on three, count ’em, THREE Castlevania titles. Continue reading