No Matter What
For those who are struggling, know this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! A lot of us tend to take on the heavy task of trying to fix our pain ourselves, whether it’s through crippling loneliness or social awkwardness, and gamers are no exception. I’ve talked with many of my buddies on the low about these very real problems, and some of them even chose to commit suicide, feeling like there’s no way out. As horrific as these feelings can become, I’m here to tell you: someone out there cares!
As for me, I’m going through a nasty breakup that involves claims of betrayal, emotional manipulation, the whole nine yards. It’s like something out of a cheesy sitcom or shitty rom-com, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. I even had to laugh at myself given my family’s horrific track record with relationships, but again, this didn’t reduce my pain. A lot of it was my fault, as I allowed the mental and verbal abuse to continue for far too long before I pulled the plug. In the end, I’m just a sucker for pleasing people, even if it’s at my own expense, and it’s something I’m actively working on.
However, during this time, I knew two things: 1) she decided to take the Wii U that I bought with my own money, and 2) THE SHOW MUST GO ON! Clown or not, folks, LIFE GOES ON! We all took up video games as a hobby, and I’ll tell you mine now: I wanted to be a hero! Every time I popped in Castlevania, I was Simon Belmont! Whenever I decided to play Gun.Smoke, I was Billy Bob! And then it hit me: regardless of the bullshit these characters endured, they got right back up and kept trekking on, whether we wanted to or not!
Whether or not we hit Reset afterwards is a moot point: THE CHARACTER ENCOURAGES US TO PLOW FORWARD EVERY DAMN TIME!
In truth, I struggled with depression growing up, seeing how both of my parents were emotionally unavailable, along with their respective spouses. One was even outright verbally abusive, so it came as no surprise that I unconsciously sought out relationships that were EXACTLY LIKE THAT! If you think I’m playing, find out what type of person that withdrawn, aloof buddy of yours from high school wound up with.
History has a sick, ironic sense of humor at times. We all know deep down that this behavior is wrong, and yet, we STILL seek it out in long-term partners. Why is that, exactly? As for me, I’m still trying to figure that out. All I know is that going forward, I’ll NEVER forget about ME, and that’s where I feel a lot of us get it wrong. Even someone you’ve known for years may do an about face and turn into a monster, but it’s never overnight; it’s spread out over time and escalates to an unbearable pitch that you never thought possible.
It’s been almost a month now of just me in this place, and I’ve discovered and rediscovered things about myself: 1) video games have always been my escape (NOT life preserver), 2) even if relations with my blood family are fractured and outright broken in spots, there ARE awesome people that love, care about and count on me, and 3) I STILL WANT TO BE A HERO! Though it feels that I’ve hit the Reset button with the force of a Death Star blast, I DON’T feel that this is the end, but rather the beginning!
It’s time to NOT crutch on others for my happiness, but rather to find it within myself. Even if she decided to take every single one of my systems, there’s one flame that NO ONE on this Planet Earth can extinguish: MY PASSION FOR VIDEO GAMES! That passion has seen me through some difficult times, and we ALL have the power to literally flick on our favorite system and TRANPORT ourselves to a different world as our FAVORITE HERO!
I Challenge You to Plow On
Here’s my challenge to you: take your favorite hero’s determination OUTSIDE of the screen! Did Leon Kennedy just take out a huge sewer crocodile?! HOLY SHIT! Now, I’m NOT saying to go out there and decimate any wildlife, but I AM saying that we should take Leon’s dogged determination to survive seriously! Going in, Leon KNEW that no matter what, he was going to save Ada from the big, bad crocodile, and dammit, HE DID! Some of the people in our favorite video games have suffered INCREDIBLE LOSSES, but did the game end there? HELL NO!
The list of problems that we all can endure as human beings is seemingly endless, but can include:
- Family problems
- Custody issues
- Financial trouble
At the risk of sounding terribly cliched, many of these can be solved through one outlet: COMMUNICATION! Talking to someone else can ease the burden that seems to sit on your shoulders and chest like the world’s biggest boulder, believe me, I’d know! Much of my own anger rested in my desire to make my parents into someone they’re not. After I accepted them for who they are, it made it much easier to love them and find peace with it.
As for romantic relationships, I’ll tell you this: we CANNOT depend on another person for our happiness. If you find yourself grinding your gears FOR HOURS over something small (he left his socks in the living room AGAIN, she NEVER cleans up after her pets, etc.), you communicate it and NOTHING changes, you’re cheating YOURSELF if you continue to live with it! Silence is the bed fellow of acceptance, and when you do that, you DEVALUE YOURSELF!
Bottom line (in my own clowny, ineloquent fashion): STOP BEING SOMEONE’S BITCH! Be true to YOU, and you’ll never go wrong! Nurturing relationships are supposed to build you up and ENHANCE your life, not make it harder! If you continue to stay in a toxic relationship and bitch to all of your buddies on social media about it, YOU’RE NOT FIXING THE PROBLEM!
Take a note from Leon Kennedy: drop the fire extinguisher and BLOW THE HEAD clean off that problem and move on with your life! I truly believe that we were all put here for a reason, and if you choose to squander it (whether through silence and/or attrition), YOU’RE DOING YOURSELF A HUGE DISSERVICE!
You want to get your life in order? Drop the passive-aggressive social media posts, get rid of the toxic relationships in your life, spend some quality time WITH YOURSELF, and find out what matters to you! There’s gotta be a reason why air is still pumping into your lungs and blood continues to flow through your veins! Why don’t you take Billy Bob’s or Simon Belmont’s example and FIND OUT WHY?!
Hit Continue or even Reset if you must, but NEVER Power! Lumpz the Clown OUT!
P.S. I bought another Wii U! 🙂
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