Declaration of War: DLC Must Die

(This article originally ran on ScrewAttack approximately 2 years ago, and somehow, is still way relevant. Enjoy!)

Alright, folks! With a title like that, you must already have some sort of clue that I’ve become fed up with with the seemingly customer-hating, money-grubbing business model known as downloadable content.

For those who aren’t aware of what downloadable content even is, it’s the little “extras” that are meant to enhance the gamer’s experience.  But have greedy developers and publishers gone too far? Have we lost sight of what organically makes a game profitable? Let’s find out! Continue reading

E3 2015 and Beyond: Stop Gamer Entitlement, Play Nice

(Originally published on ScrewAttack approximately 2 years ago. Enjoy!)

Even when I’m not actively engaging with anyone on social media, I still pay attention to the daily ambiance of the gaming community, 7 days a week. I use it as kind of a yardstick to help determine the “climate” of the gamer environment, if you will. Certain events seem to draw the ire of the community (including 2014’s debacle that rhymes with “Framer Mate”), but what I can count on yearly is the crybaby bullshit I hear after every…single…E3 event. Continue reading

Played Violent Video Games, Still Not a Serial Killer

(Originally published on ScrewAttack approximately two years ago. Enjoy!)

Ahh, the mid-to-late 90’s.  This was a great era to be a gamer, as the console wars were in full effect and developers continued to push the limits of accepted convention.  This meant beefier graphics, soul-shredding soundtracks, and….blood, lots of BLOOD!  Arcade titles have already been experimenting with these new risque formulas earlier in the decade, with titles such as Mortal Kombat and Time Killers.  So by consequence, it was only a question of time before home consoles would become the new host of pixelated brutality! Continue reading

Social Friends Wrestling Federation #3: The Road to the Title


After the major turnarounds and janky shenanigans as seen in SFWF #2, only one conclusion could be drawn: the road to the championships is going to be a bloody, broken one.

Tonight’s eye-popping matchups include: Continue reading

New Infographic: Castlevania – The Fight Against Count Dracula

From the good folks at JeuxVideo, I present to you, a totally amazing Castlevania infographic! Click the image to view it at full size with a description by Yours Truly! Send me an email if you think you have one that you’d like featured on this site. Thanks for stopping by, and Lumpz the Clown OUT!

Castlevania: The Fight Against Count Dracula Continue reading

Social Friends Wrestling Federation #3 Announcement

Happy Friday, folks! Lumpz the Clown here, and I’m pleased to announce…Social Friends Wrestling Federation #3! Two new wrestlers have been added to the roster, and this event will prove to be like no other in the past! SFWF #3 will go down on July 1st, 2017 at 7PM MST on both Twitch and YouTube, and feature the following matches:

  1. Retr0Joe vs Poindexter in a Versus match
  2. Kirbear vs Roy Mystery in a Finisher Only Versus match
  3. Arcade Android vs Derik Moore in a Weapons match
  4. Mad Ronald & Generick vs Chip Killer 2 & Chipette in SFWF’s first ever Tag Team Match, and for the Main Event…
  5. Lumpz the Clown vs Hiatu5 in a super old school, 30-minute Iron Man match

And of course, all of this amazing action will be called by none other than me, Lumpz the Clown! If you need to get caught up on previous SFWF events, watch the entire playlist here!

You’ll find your one-of-a-kind custom flyer for this amazing throwdown below! Print and share with your friends, or even better, ask them if they’d like to join the bloody ranks of the SFWF roster themselves! All walks of life are welcome here, and they all bleed red!

Thanks for watching, and Lumpz the Clown OUT!


Clowny links below!




Summer Brutality 2017 Announcement

Hey hey, folks! Lumpz the Clown here, and I’m pleased to announce…SUMMER BRUTALITY 2017! In previous events, I would give myself 2 hours to claim victory over some of the hardest titles in video game history, and mostly fail at it. I’ve taken on the likes of Volgarr the Viking, Mega Man, and Castlevania Adventure…all of which have ended in utter failure.

But that last one has stuck with me somehow. And one more, I’m a little sick and tired of my own continually growing backlog of games that I may never get around to beating. That is why, for Summer Brutality 2017, I’m pleased to announce the end of this practice, while showing my love for Castlevania, by taking on three, count ’em, THREE Castlevania titles. Continue reading